Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
