If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
