do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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