What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
