my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
