he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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