I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
