last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
