the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
