**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
