I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
