Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
