I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
