I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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