If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
