Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
