then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
