she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
