doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
