I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
