i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
