walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
