I feel like abortions should bother me more
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
