A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
