someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
