Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
