i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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