I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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