I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
