just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
