That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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