I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm like, not good at living.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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