He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
