I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
