Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
