I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
