how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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