This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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