I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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