Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
