Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
