Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How external is "for external use only"?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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