Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
