Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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