A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
