I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
