I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
