I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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