I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's shark week go big or go home
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
