Your mouth is God's brothel.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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