I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
