Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
