On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
