good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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