I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
