If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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