So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
