is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
