I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
