is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
