so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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