life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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