I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
