I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
they need to just BURY HIM!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
