my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
