Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize