We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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