oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize