If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
