When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
